Pony Review Episode 4: Nicktoons Racing
by Spike the Seventh Element
Summary: Featuring Special Guest Star: Kitty Katswell, the Pony Gang Review Nicktoons Racing for the PC.


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Twilight walks into the room and stares into the screen. She begins talking with no happy feeling in it. "Hello, everyone. We appear today to review a game that is the bottom of the game industries. It is a game that is not played much, and it should stay that way. We aren't messing around anymore. Today we come to bring you the worst racing game to ever exist. Today we bring you… Nicktoons Racing."

Spike walks in now and talks to Twilight. "But… It's dangerous. Who are we going to get to review this with us?" Spike is still in a shutter.

Twilight nods. "We have to get someone who knows Nicktoons best and isn't a brat or annoying."

"So that means we shouldn't call SpongeBob or Timmy… But who?" Spike asks.

"I know someone… someone who knows to keep her sanity with crazy situations." Twilight uses her magic to pick up the phone. "Yes, TUFF? It's me, Twilight Sparkle. I am reviewing a game and I need the help of Ms. Katswell."

The other person talks, but Spike can't her it.

"It's bad… Nicktoons Racing." Twilight says with sorrow. "She will? Oh, thank you."

"Who was that?" Spike asks.

"TUFF Agency. We need some real help if we want to review this game as the worst game of all time." Twilight says. "All we need to do is wait now…"

A FEW MINUTES LATER…

"I'm here. Let's do this." A cat in a jumpsuit says.

"Then let's do this." Twilight says.

"Hello, everyone. We are now ready to review… Nicktoons Racing." Twilight says.

* * *

**STORY WITH TWILIGHT SPARKLE**

Well, the story is very bland and rushed. The story is basically that some people have decided to make a Tournament for a trophy called the "Big Buck Award", a trophy that looks like Mr. Krabs. The competitors drive off, and that's it. Not that good, don't you think? I'm so proud of you to actually play the game, Spike. Here is Spike with the Gameplay:

**GAMEPLAY WITH SPIKE**

The gameplay is just… horrible! The controls can be confusing at times and which button is which. Know that I customized the settings, too because the default setting has all of the buttons everywhere! The item button will be Enter, but the booster button will be Shift. You think I'm talking about the Shift near the Enter? No, I mean the Shift FAR away from Enter. I'm talking about the left one! I was able to have a much better time with the gameplay with my own customized settings, but wait! I still didn't because the gameplay overall is **broken**! You will be slamming into every wall and spinning out all the time! The good thing about this is that you can pick up gems you find in the race to give you an extra boost.

Oh, and the weapons! It makes the Blue Shell from Mario Kart look like a toy! First, there is the Bubble. This thing will stop you in your tracks and make you float up into the air for a few seconds.

Next is the Trash Can. This weapon you drop behind you, and if you get hit by it, it does this animation of the trash can flying on top of your character's head. This weapon slows you down. No, not just a little… but A LOT! You will move like a snail.

After that, there is the Kitty Litter. This is the Troll of weapons. It's another drop-behind-you weapon that if you run over this thing will buck you up! This item makes you spin out of control in a frenzy until you finally stop. You will be lucky if you actually spin out and be in front of the track again! At least in Mario Kart when you spin out of control they have the courtesy to put you in front of the track again. The worst part about this item is it's grey, the same color as the track! So when you run over this thing, you never see it coming!

But I'm not done yet, next we have the Portal. Which actually, this item isn't so bad. It let's you teleport in front of racers if you are in dead last.

Next is the Jellyfish. This item, like the rest of them, will seriously mess up your driving! This jellyfish is like a heat-seeking missile! No matter how much you squirm, you can't dodge it. It's impossible! This item shocks the racer, leaving him/her come to a complete stop, leaving you open for racers to pass you with ease.

Then there is the Bag Bomb, which is the worst of all! Not because it's unfair, but because it's the complete opposite! If you get this item, just get rid of it. It will never hit. You launch it up into the air and then comes down, but most likely will just fly over the enemy's head. The only time you will hit is on a hill.

After that there is the wand. This weapon is actually good… a little too good. This item will make a vortex around the player and give you a different weapon. The unfair thing is that there is a glitch that makes you invincible when the vortex spins around the racer! What were they thinking?

One of the best items in the game is the shield. This thing can protect you from projectiles. Now that sounds like a decent weapon, right? Well, let me tell you that if a rival has the shield up and you run into it, you spin out of control. Why couldn't they just stick with it defending instead of every weapon used for offence?

The last item and the most unfair, is the Stump. This item when activated will hit all of the players ahead of you, making them spin out of control. Every player in front of you. This means that if you are in last, you get the opportunity to pass every player in the race, the most ridiculous way to turn the tide!

Now that I got that out of the way, let's talk about the driving! The driving is pretty well… when it doesn't glitch out on you! Remember when I said that the gameplay was broken? The glitches are what I meant! You will crash into walls, you will get stuck, and even the last race in the game is so glitched, that the game can't even tell who's in first!

"Okay, I'm in first! Wait, now I'm in fifth? Okay, I'm in third. Now I'm in last? Make up your mind!"

One time, the worst glitch happened. On the final race, I was going off of a jump, and a Stump hit me on the ramp. Guess what happened? That's right, because I spin out due to the Stump and the acceleration I got from the Booster Jump, I went _RIGHT THROUGH THE WALL!_ I ended up in last because it took me to the beginning of the race again! Thank goodness they give you two retries per cup. If you didn't want to read this whole thing, then just read this:

_**Hey kids! Want to play Nicktoons Racing in real life? Well, here's what you got to do: Get a bunch of friends and a steering wheel. Run around and crash into every wall you can find, while your friends throw every item in the house. YOU'RE PLAYING NICKTOONS RACING!**_

**LEVEL DESIGN AND CHARACTER DESIGN WITH RARITY**

Thank you, Spike. Now, this game is a very old game, so the level design and character design as expected, look like garbage. Not much more to say there

**THE BONUSES AND BUCKED UP PART WITH SPECIAL GUEST STAR: KITTY KATSWELL**

There is a hidden character you can unlock in the game, and it's easy: just complete all three cups on easy with first prize to unlock the Mystery Rider, or as you find out in the game, if it wasn't obvious enough be the voice, Plankton! He was trying to win so that he could get the year supply of Krabby Patties… which they forgot to add in the beginning. You done goofed, didn't you Hasbro? Anyways, you try him out for a spin on one of the tracks, like most people would when they got a new character. And then…

"Wait, what happened to Mystery? He's locked again? I only played him for one race. Wait a second…"

You can only play as him once… ONCE! If you play as him and go back to the main menu, he becomes locked again! Are you just mocking us? So you ask, "How do you get him back?" The first way you did it: beat every cup and get first place! Doesn't that sound fun? Doing the same thing over and over again? Get used to it.

At this moment, I was about to rage quit… until I found out one more thing. Apparently you can unlock five new characters: Lil & Phil from Rugrats, Sid from Hey Arnold, Doug from Doug, and Otto from Rocket Power. So, how do you unlock them? Well, everywhere I go it tells me to "Beat the Game 3 Times". So from what I get from it is that you have to complete all three cups on every difficulty… sounds right to me. So the farther I play, the more I hate it! The harder you go on, the more glitches occur and the more weapons the enemies use. However, I pushed on through every cup and ended up completing all of the cups on hard. I did it! Now time to claim my prize.

"Okay, let's go through all of the characters: Mystery, Tommy, Angelica, The Beavers, Ickis, Catdog, Stimpy, Arnold, Helga, Eliza, Darwin, Mystery… what, WHAT?"

That's right, you don't unlock them. Instead, you unlock a mini-game where you have to drive around a city picking up presents. Okay, maybe if I beat the time…

A FEW MINUTES LATER

Nope, nothing… Really, Hasbro. Did you think this though? With everyone, did you express this idea with everyone at Hasbro? You couldn't have, you clearly couldn't have. I mean, every website stated, that you can unlock some of the coolest people on Nicktoons like Otto Rocket if you beat the game three times, but can't actually unlock them that way…

You can, beat the game on easy and unlock Plankton just fine, but…

"_You have to beat the game three times"_

You can unlock the other difficulties; go through hell to beat all of the cups, but…

"_You have to beat the game three times"_

You unlock a mini-game by doing this, but…

"_You have to beat the game three times"_

You can beat the time given to you, and beat your own time, **but**…

"_You have to beat the game three times"_

You CAN'T be this stupid! You just CAN'T! I mean, this clearly states why this game does, not, work! I mean, what are you, a moron? I hate to say this, but Dudley Puppy has made better decisions than Henry, Hilal, and Herman Hassenfeld altogether because of this game! You see what you did there; you made me say that Dudley Puppy is smarter than someone! You did it Hasbro, you did that! That's how bad this game has gotten!

You can complete everything in the entire game, even the mini-game, but it does not count as completing the game… three…

**TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIII**

Oh, oh. My head…

**IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

I feel dizzy…

**IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMEES S!**

Oh… *Thumping noise*

Rainbow Dash: Did… did Kitty just fall unconscious?

Spike: I think so.

Twilight: Well, let's just do the overall without her, shall we?

_Rating Overall:_

Story: 1/10

Gameplay: 1/10

Graphics: 3/10

Replay Value: 1/10

Extra Content: 0/10

We give this game:

**1 out of 10**

Spike: This game wasn't fun at all. You can complete the game, but don't expect ANYTHING.

Twilight: Thank you for reading. Remember, this is our opinion, so don't flame us because you don't agree. We hope to see you next time for an exciting episode of: Pony Review.


End file.
